New class rules

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(based on Mrs Crumb’s proposed policies pages 84-88 in Mr Stink)

1. Students who litter will be required to wear the Itchy Underpants of Doom for 2 hours (policy 3).
2. Student may only read books on rainbows, kittens and how to grow flowers. Any other book choice will result in a suspension of up to 3 months (policy 15).
3. School sports must be limited to frisbee and hopscotch. Anyone caught playing other games will have to make the teachers’ lunch for 1 month (policy 16).
4. Teachers can tape a student’s mouth shut for the rest of the day if they are too noisy (policy 2).
5. Any student caught with pop song ringtone on their mobile phone will be required to stand bare-foot on the class cactus for 1 hour (policy 10).
6. The annual school concert must be free of vulgar humour that mentions human bodily functions such as burping (policy 8).
7. Students who wear non-regulation clothing must scrub the toilet block without nose pegs or gas masks (policy 4).
8. A giant marble statue of the principal will be erected in the school quadrangle. Students who fail to bow before it each morning will be required to polish the statute (policy 12).